Newtownards HURRICANE APPEAL

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asma
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Newtownards HURRICANE APPEAL

Post by asma » Sat May 01, 2010 10:33 am

Newtownards HURRICANE APPEAL

A major hurricane (Hurricane Shanan) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Newtownards in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre in West Winds . Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Fokinell".

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Bangor and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Mucky. FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Wast Wunds .

One resident - Tracy Sharon Muk Doale, a 15-year-old mother of sax said, "It was such a shack, my little Chardonnay-Muk Doale came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Muk Doale and Victoria-Storm Muk Doale slept through it all. I was still shakin when I was skinning ap and watching Trisha the nuxt mornin."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:

Fila or Burberry baseball caps

Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

Shell suits (female)

White sport socks

Rockport boots

Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:

Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.

£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9. £5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

**Breaking news**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry Alco-pop. 'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked.

"Glan Astat" said the girl, "wats that gatta do we useins ?".

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Ronski
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Post by Ronski » Sat May 01, 2010 11:34 am

Very good indeed b1 :1w face1 face1 :peace :thumb :thumb :lol :lol :lol :lol :gd :gd
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ferryman
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Post by ferryman » Sun May 02, 2010 7:45 am

Brilliant, made my morning! ;-)

asma
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Post by asma » Sat May 08, 2010 9:44 am

Howzit ferryman, glad you and Ronski found it amusing, judging by the number of members the forum dose not seemed to attract much traffic, I mean not one of the wacky baccy smokers noticed that Ards Council spent just over £974.000 last year on street cleaning. So the next time anyone trips over something safe enough to handle wearing rubber cloves please drop same in the Council’s letter box en route to the Medical Centre to collect your sick note. If some of our readers do not have a TV , the white van man has retained his majority and will be hoofing it to Westminster he also said as a thank you to his constituents he will be in his office on Monday as usual from sparrow fart to help with filling in DLA forms. The Robinsoab chap took a good old Norn Iron thumping and will now be able to join dear Iris in America to thank her for her support with a big kiss and cuddle. Meanwhile, the celebration Gala Dinner planned to be held at Joe’s Hot Spot has had to be cancelled resulting from the shortage of Comber spuds.

asma.

ferryman
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Post by ferryman » Sat May 08, 2010 12:29 pm

Watch out 'white van man' doesn't run you down as he dashes along the road to ards at twice the speed of sound. The traffic laws never did apply to him, now he probably has Parliamentary privilege to ignore them! :roll:

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BASEL
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Post by BASEL » Mon May 10, 2010 9:34 am

Lol, the white van man will have a covertable next racing up the road, hair blows stiffly in the wind lol, now that would be a sight
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